Dr. Cat Investigates: What Are Human Beans REALLY Up To?

Via @a.ndrew2054 on Instagram

“Very suspicious…” (via @a.ndrew2054 on Instagram)

As a doctor, I study and observe all different types of creatures: dogs, birds, other cats, rodents (especially rodents), and even a Human Bean from time to time. I have heard many a Human Bean wonder aloud “What are cats up to? They look like they’re planning something.” Astonishment aside, this is a strange question that I believe to be far more interesting when turned around: what are the Human Beans “up to?” Here are four possible schemes Human Beans could be hatching at any given moment…

1. Hiding things in boxes

The reason for this phenomenon is yet unknown, so it is our duty as cats to inspect every cardboard box until we do find a reason.

A noble cat suppressing the Human Bean desire to wake up

A noble cat suppressing the Human Bean desire to wake up.

2. Trying to stay awake all day

Human Beans haven’t seemed to figure out the importance of sleeping 18 hours a day. As a scientist I shouldn’t intervene, but as a cat I feel obligated to help them see the error of their ways.

3. Breaking the cat/Human Bean language barrier

They try very hard to mimic and converse with us cats though most of their attempts are in vain.

4. Litterbox collections

By far the strangest and most unusual of human behaviors, perhaps they hope to study us cats the same way we have (more successfully and sneakily) studied them. We may never know….